


A Meal Fit For a Queen

by ladybug114



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Sibling Bonding, Stolen Century era, just taako and lup being dumb and cooking some food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 06:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybug114/pseuds/ladybug114
Summary: (Stolen Century Era)When the queen of this world threatens to kill them unless they can change her mind, Taako comes up with a plan.Or,Taako and Lup, literally cooking for their lives.





	A Meal Fit For a Queen

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Twins Week on tumblr, day 2: sibling bonding!

When Taako raised his voice in answer, he did so without thinking. Like usual.

All he knew was that the queen of this planet was staring at them, asking why she should let them go and not just kill them, and, well, he had an answer for that.

“I can cook,” he said, acutely aware of Lup, Magnus, and Lucretia staring at him. “My sister and I,” he continued, gesturing at Lup, probably unnecessarily, “we can cook whatever you want to eat, and I promise it will be _way_ better than whatever shit you’ve got going on right now.”

He could feel Lucretia tense up a bit at that comment, but the queen was starting to smile at him, so Taako plowed on.

“Let our friends go, and let them stay here in peace for a few months, and my sister and I will stay here,” he said, staring up at the queen intently, not breaking eye contact with her.

“Excuse me, your majesty,” Lup said suddenly, “Would it be alright with you if I talked to my idiot brother for a second?”

The queen started to laugh, shocking all four of them, and stood up from her throne. “You can talk to your brother in my kitchen. I will consider your offer, but I need proof of your supposed skills first.” She pointed at the guard next to her, and continued, “Show those two to the kitchens, and leave the other two in here with me.”

The guard saluted, and then walked quickly over to Taako and Lup, gesturing at them to follow him. The twins shrugged at each other, and then followed. On their way out, Taako turned around a winked at Magnus and Lucretia, who were staring at them with wide eyes.

“Any chance you know what the queen likes to eat?” Lup asked, speeding up her pace to keep up with the guard. “We want to make a good impression, obviously.”

The guard, a half-orc woman, shrugged her massive shoulders. “I don’t know how you guessed it, but the chef we’ve got right now isn’t very good. His chicken is always dry,” she said with a shudder, “and has barely any flavor in it.”

Lup glanced at Taako, who shrugged. “Lup, you know I’ve got some baller chicken recipes in this gorgeous head. Gotta see what we have to work with first, but we can definitely handle this.”

Lup laughed at that, just a little, and then she asked, “Why the hell did you suggest this anyway, bro? She’s gonna kill all four of us if we can’t make something good.”

Taako glanced at the guard, but she really didn’t seem to care what they said, so he answered, “We’ve only got two months left, we already have the Light, and you know that Barry, Merle, and Davenport can handle themselves until the next cycle. I know it’s only been like twenty years, and they’re not the _most_ competent people on the team, but whatever, right?”

Lup snorted, the the guard gave them a strange look before showing them a door. “Here’s the kitchen,” she grunted. “Try not to, I don’t know, break anything.” With that rousing endorsement, the guard stalked away.

Taako and Lup shared a look, and then Lup sighed and pushed the door open.

“Alright,” she said, frozen in the doorway. “Alright, I’m thinking maybe we can work with this.”

“You’re fucking with me, right?” Taako asked, pointing into the room. “This whole planet is fucking with me. It’s gotta be. There’s no fucking way that this kitchen is real.”

Lup snorted. “We’ve been to twenty different planets, every single one of us has died at least once already, and _this_ is the thing you refuse to believe?”

“Lup. Lup. My dear, sweet, sister. Are we currently looking at the same kitchen? Are you seeing this at all?”

The kitchen was, well, enormous. There were two walk-in freezers and _three_ walk-in fridges, plus walls and walls of cabinets, and a few stoves and ovens. In short, it was the biggest and most well-supplied kitchen they had ever seen.

“Yeah, alright,” Lup said, brushing him off. “So, what are you thinking?”

“Honestly?” Taako replied, and Lup could tell by his grin that he was up to something, “I’m thinking about just winging this one. Try to keep up, babe.”

And with that, the two elves got to work.

They worked mostly in silence, weaving around each other in a perfect dance, delegating tasks without having to talk about it, never getting in the way, always in exactly the right place. Sometimes, though, they would throw out jokes, short comments that would be incomprehensible to anyone else, but which made the two of them roar with laughter. They had been working together for their whole lives, and anyone who happened to look in would know that fact immediately.

They were alone in an enormous kitchen, but somehow, they made the room feel too small to contain them.

Finally, the dish was complete. It was, truly, a meal fit for a queen, bursting with flavor and cooked to perfection.

Taako and Lup stared at the dish for a moment, and then at each other, their faces bright with the joy of accomplishing something together. “Well,” Taako said after a moment, “I guess it’s time to find out if this is good enough to save our asses.”

“If it’s not, I’m blaming you,” Lup said, quickly grabbing the plate and walking out of the room before Taako had a chance to respond.

Grumbling a bit, he followed her, heading back towards the throne room and their friends. As they walked, Taako asked, “So, what do you think Magnus and Lucretia have been up to?”

Lup snorted. “Probably just standing around trying not to get killed.” She paused for a second, a thoughtful look on her face, and then said, “Actually, Lucretia is probably making sure they don’t die, Magnus is probably challenging every single guard to an arm-wrestling contest.”

Taako grinned. “He’s probably beating them all, too. I can just picture Lucretia’s face, oh my god.”

“If I’m right you owe me ten dollars,” Lup said quickly, glancing at Taako out of the corner of her eye.

“Um, yes, obviously you’re on.”

At that moment, they reached the entrance to the throne room. “You ready for this?” Lup asked, pausing in front of the doors.

“Yeah, sure,” Taako replied with a shrug. “If she hates it, I’ll see you in a couple months. But, really, if she hates this? Then there’s something wrong with _her_.” And with that statement, Taako pushed open the doors and strode through.

“Hey Queen!” Lup shouted, while frantically looking around the room to see what Lucretia and Magnus were up to. “Damn,” she muttered after a second, seeing the two of them sitting in the corner of the throne room.

Taako grinned at her. “You lost,” he said, and then turned to face the queen. “I hope you’re ready for a taste bud adventure, because you, my friend, are about to eat the greatest meal you have ever eaten and _will_ ever eat.”

The queen, who thankfully didn’t seem to have heard their side comments, waved a hand at one of her guards. “Bring me the plate,” she said, watching Taako and Lup intently.

The guard, who the twins quickly realized was the same guard who had escorted them to the kitchen, walked over to them and grabbed the plate from Lup. “Damn,” she muttered, probably catching a whiff of the dish, “I wish I could have some of this.”

“There’s more in the kitchen,” Lup said with a wink. “If she decides to kill us, go help yourself. And if she doesn’t, well, I’ll make sure you get some anyway.”

The guard grinned, and then turned away from them, carrying the plate up to the platform where the queen was sitting. “Here you are, my queen,” the guard said, bowing slightly and handing the plate to the queen.

She stared at the plate for a moment, and then looked up at Taako and Lup. “This _looks_ delicious, and everyone knows that presentation is half of the battle,” she said, and the twins grinned at each other. “However,” the queen added, “If you have done anything to this dish, I will kill all four of you immediately. Understood?”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Taako said, waving a hand in the air. “We really don’t want to die, and we wouldn’t gain anything out of killing you, so you’re good.”

The queen nodded, just once, and then picked up a fork and took a bite.

The courtroom seemed to freeze, everyone’s eyes turned towards the queen. After a moment, a smile slowly started to appear on her face. “Well,” she said, handing the plate to the guard and rising to her feet, “I believe you two have just landed yourselves a job and a pardon.”

“ _Hell_ yeah,” Lup said, turning to Taako and giving him a high five.

“Your friends are free to go,” the queen continued, gesturing at Lucretia and Magnus, who were both grinning. “And the two of you will stay and cook for me. You will be provided with rooms and whatever else you need while you stay here.”

“Get ready for the best food you’ve ever had,” Taako said with a grin.

“I look forward to it,” the queen replied, grinning right back at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, after this, Taako and Lup have a grand time in this massive kitchen, cooking whatever the queen wants, and then after two months she lets them go with the rest of the crew. I'm guessing that the twins make quite the impression, and after two months she's willing to help them out!
> 
> I've got a [TAZ tumblr](https://julia-bvrnsides.tumblr.com/), check it out if you want to scream about all of these idiots with me!


End file.
